[Racal] Conversation with a telemarketer

[H Brakob]

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.

ME:
Hello.

AT&T:
Hello, this is AT&T...

ME:
Is this AT&T?

AT&T:
Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:
This is AT&T?

AT&T:
Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:
Is this AT&T?

AT&T:
Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?

ME:
May I ask who is calling?

AT&T:
This is AT&T.

ME:
Ok, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely,
this one would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when
I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

ME:
Hello!

AT&T:
Is this Mr. Byron?

ME:
May I ask who is calling, please?

AT&T:
Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:
This is AT&T?

AT&T:
Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:
The phone company?

AT&T:
Yes, sir.

ME:
I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T:
Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

ME:
I already have a phone.

AT&T:
We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron.
We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year.

ME:
Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?

AT&T:
(getting a little excited at this point by my interest)
Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

ME:
7 days a week?

AT&T:
That's right.

ME:
365 days a year?

AT&T:
Yes, sir.

ME:
I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T:
We think so!

ME:
That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T:
Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

ME:
Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of
the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash
advance?

AT&T:
Excuse me?

ME:
You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T:
What are you talking about?

ME:
You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute,
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just
interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T:
Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

ME:
Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a
minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal
telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you
know.

AT&T:
No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.

ME:
THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?

AT&T:
Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

ME:
I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T:
Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

SUPERVISOR:
Mr. Byron?

ME:
Yeth?

SUPERVISOR:
I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

ME:
Id thish Ath Teeth &Teeth?

SUPERVISOR:
Yes, sir, it sure is.

ME:
(I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress
my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was
just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

SUPERVISOR:
Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

ME:
Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this
conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other
end of the phone.

AT&T:
Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our
plan?

ME:
No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because
I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T:
click...