[R-390] How to bake without a oven or grill?

[Barry Hauser]

Ed wrote:
> I just wait 'til the XYL is definitely NOT going to be around for 3-4
> hours, and put it in the oven on LOW (sometimes called something like
"Keep
> Warm"). This seems to be above 125 degrees F, and does an awesome job of
> wrinkling black-wrinkle paint (for example.) I also turn ON the house A/C
> fan, and the downstairs bathroom's exhaust fan. Generally works out fine.


But you have to be prepared, just in case the XYL forgot something, makes a
U-turn and comes back early.  Here are some emergency procedures:

1.  Put the rack over the panel and have a couple of muffins ready.  If you
get surprised, put the muffins in the oven and say "Did YOU spill something
in this oven!  It stinks!"

2.  Have a can of polyurethane varnish handy, with the lid partly loosened
and a brush.  If you're nabbed in the act, make like you decided to touch up
the bannisters.

3.  Put one of those frozen pizzas on the kitchen counter all ready to pop
in the oven.  When asked, just say you had a senior moment and got 'em mixed
up.  Be ready -- you'll be asked with a suspicious look as to why the oven
is set on warm instead of 400.  Just say you turned it down when it smelled
like the pizza was burning.  Oh -- place a white laquer stick next to the
"countermeasures pizza" to complete the effect.

4.  Keep a bottle of perfume in reach and a lipstick.  If she approaches the
door, dump the perfume on yourself and put some lipstick on your collar.
This is a dangerous diversionary tactic, however, in the long run you might
have complete liberty to bake panels and knobs anytime you want.

As you may have surmised, I've given these contingencies much thought.

Barry