[Qcwa] Fw: Airplane/Military Dark Humor ...

[George Roach]

>The reflector has been quiet lately, so time
for a chuckle.......  Enjoy


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>(Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena,
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>Japan.) You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul
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>F. Crickmore - test pilot)
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>The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
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> From an old carrier sailor -
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>Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
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>submarines in the sky.
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>If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
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>helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.
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>When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
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>power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
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>Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying
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>club.
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>What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If
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>a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
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>Never trade luck for skill.
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>The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
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>are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Shit!"
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>Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
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>Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot
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>pregnant.
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>Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
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>complete the flight.
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>A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
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>row is prevarication.
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>I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
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>Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
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>Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
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>purpose of storing dead batteries
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>Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
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>person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.
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>When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
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>Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be
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>held on a sunny day.
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>Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems
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>inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the
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>vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
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>The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
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>kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
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>A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
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>its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)
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>If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
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>crash as possible.
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>(Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
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>If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the
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>bastard down.
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>(Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)
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>Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
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>There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign
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>over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.)
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>The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and,
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>a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few
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>opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same 
>time. (Author
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>unknown, but someone who's been there)
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>If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
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>Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go
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>near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the 
>appearance
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>of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much
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>more difficult to fly there.
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>You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
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>power to taxi to the terminal.
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