[Park] FCC

[John J. Miller]

It was announced today that Kellogg's and the Federal Communications
Commission have signed a pact to issue Amateur Radio Licenses on
specially marked boxes of Corn Flakes. In this unprecedented move the
FCC believes this will not hurt amateur radio but allow all individuals
to receive an amateur radio license without having to demonstrate any
skills with the exception of being able to use a pair of scissors to cut
out their operating permit from the breakfast cereal box.



Kellogg's spokesperson commented that they were proud to have been
selected by the government to be the issuer of licenses for amateur
radio in the US and hope to soon make an agreement with other cereal
loving countries. They also expect that will be issuing certificates of
achievement for DXCF for confirmed contacts with 100 corn flakers.

Following the announcement that new amateur radio licensees will be able
to operate in the HF spectrum without knowledge of Morse Code, the 2-
meter handi-talki manufacturers have responded to what they view as a
threat to their business. Said Hiram Bumble, CEO of whatawaste.com, the
number one HT maker in the world, "We are not pleased at all about the
new FCC rule. Our business has depended upon the rapid entry of no-code
technicians who buy an HT, use it a couple of times, and then quit the
hobby. Now, with the prospect of HF operation, a lot of these techies
will forego their HTs."

The HT manufacturers have decided to imitate Kodak's defense against
electronic photography. They will begin making cardboard HTs that cost
only $19.99. Once the battery is depleted, they are meant to be tossed
away. It is hoped that the low price tag will make these disposable HTs
a more compelling purchase than the more costly HF gear. The HT
manufacturers all also lobbying the Federal government to adopt national
CC&Rs which will prevent most people from erecting any sort of antenna
that is more than one meter in length.