[OKDXA] Deep Thots:

[Nelson Derks]

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol
content.

I live in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.

 Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

 Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.

 "I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner."

 If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

 I don't approve of political jokes..I've seen too many of them get
 elected.

 The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.

 If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now
THAT'S a message!!

 I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.

 I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

 I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving
me lately!

 "Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive."

 Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

 Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one
busted condom?

 "If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead
rabbits on the highway?"

 Welcome To Sh__ Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

 "How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for
Miss America?"

 Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
 section in a swimming pool?

 Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

 The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage
disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this
world.

 Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

 Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."