[MRCG] UK Virus Alert - by John Cleese

[Paul Thekan]

John Cleese originally wrote this in regard to the 5 Threat Levels that
were first put into place after 9-11. While I think it is funny what he
wrote I don't think it quite carried over to the pandemic we all now face.
Paul N6FEG

On Sat, Mar 21, 2020, 1:23 PM Verne Anderson via MRCG <mrcg at mailman.qth.net>
wrote:

> A little humor:
>
> Verne
> W6LPM
>
> UK Virus ALERT  – by John Cleese
> >>>>>>> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus
> threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to
> “Peeved.” Soon, though, the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or
> even “A Bit Cross.”
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940
> when tea supplies nearly ran out.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody
> Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning
> level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to
> “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the
> reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the
> last 300 years.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
> alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are
> “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
> that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
> country's military capability.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and
> Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain:
> “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful
> Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have
> two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries”
> to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I
> think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is
> cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
> escalation level.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The Russians have said “It’s not us”
> >>>>>>>
> >>>
> >>> __._,_.___
> >>
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