[Lowfer] How to give a cat a pill...

[lowfer@mailman.qth.net]

Oh yeah......been there.....tis better to fight the snow!

Tom N8TL
On Mon, 2 Dec 2002 21:40:46 -0800 "KD7JYK" <kd7jyk@ross-technologies.com>
writes:
> How To Give Your Cat A Pill
> 
> 
> 
> 1)  Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if 
> holding  a
> baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
> 
> cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill 
> in right
> hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth, allow cat to close 
> mouth and
> swallow.
> 
> 
> 
> 2)  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in 
> left
> arm and repeat process.
> 
> 
> 
> 3)  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
> 
> 
> 
> 4)  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding 
> rear paws
> tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of 
> mouth with
> right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
> 
> 
> 
> 5)  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of 
> refrigerator. Call
> spouse from garden.
> 
> 
> 
> 6)  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front 
> and rear
> paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head 
> firmly with
> one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler 
> and rub
> cat's throat vigorously.
> 
> 
> 
> 7)  Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. 
> Make
> note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
> 
> shattered Doulton figurines from hearth and set to one side for 
> gluing
> later.
> 
> 
> 
> 8)  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head 
> just
> visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force 
> mouth
> open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
> 
> 
> 
> 9)  Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 
> glass of
> water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and 
> remove
> blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
> 
> 
> 
> 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat 
> in
> cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth 
> open
> with dessert spoon. Shoot pill down throat with rubber band.
> 
> 
> 
> 11) Get screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Throw 
> T-shirt
> away and fetch new one from bedroom.
> 
> 
> 
> 12) Call Fire Department to retrieve cat from tree across the 
> street.
> Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid 
> cat.
> Take last pill from foil wrap.
> 
> 
> 
> 13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind 
> tightly to
> leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force 
> cat's
> mouth open with small garden shovel. Push pill into mouth followed 
> by large
> piece of filet steak.  Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of 
> water down
> throat to wash pill down.
> 
> 
> 
> 14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while 
> doctor
> stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from right eye. Call 
> furniture
> store on way home to order new table.
> 
> 
> 
> 15) Arrange for SPCA to pick up cat and call local pet shop to see 
> if they
> have any hamsters.
> 
> 
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> 
> 

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