[Hallicrafters] Join The Saturday Halli 40 Meter Net

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Pre-Net: 12:30 PM EDT, or 1630 UTC
HHI Net: 1:00 PM EDT, or 1700 UTC
Frequency: 7.280 MHZ LSB +/- for key clicks, mike splatter and various 
assorted vocalizations from Hams trying to see just how many really peculiar 
sounds their vocal cords can produce.

Coming this month a brand new never before published Frogzilla File. Hey! I 
am a professional Magician and Halloween occurs this tenth month of the 
year! So dip your grid and dust off your gourds, its Squash time!

Hear you tomorrow!

   If You Can't Tread Water, Better Blow A Lifeboat Bubble!


Yo Humans! It is I, Frogzilla.

Open up those blurry peepers and take those cotton balls out
of your ear passages. Your XYL is asleep so it is safe to
listen up and pay attention now! Stop looking over your
shoulder, I turned the in-house surveillance television
cameras off already!

I am not dead, diseased or in some amphibian rehab center for
pondless frogs! Contrary to the deep south rumbles and rumors
circulating faster than a live Canadian Honker type Duck that
accidentally landed on one of the military range finding test
pond for sighting in rifle scopes! He was in the presence of
a multitude of rubber Ducks powered by some energized bunny !
batteries, most of which were floating with webbed feet up!
Ever seen a Duck with a Rooster tail! CROAK!

Speaking of circulating FAST: the blind dude's 454 cubic inch

big block Marine Chevy engine powering his super sucker and
street sewer shooter sump pump that can empty the sump hole
of fifty gallons of biologically hazardous rain in less time
than it takes a beer bloated Flea to break wind! That sump
pump spits water in a beautiful geometric arc over the tops
of the forty foot Scotch Pine woods by the pond and into the
neighbors swimming pools, wading ponds and picturesque floral
gardens with bubbling aquatic ponds and mist shrouded
fountains. Word in the hood is, that some of that cloud free
water is causing those expensive imported floral bulbs to
alter their DNA code. Which might explain the twenty foot
yellow bean stalk where the Giant Marigolds were supposed to
be!

Wow! Sorry about that. I drifted right off the topic like one
of those hot air balloonists do when he can't regulate his
outbound gas!

Despite the hopes and "Please Croak Sooner Than Later" and
don't get well cards, I am still here. I have not yet been
ground into fertilizer for the Sea World tank!  If I ever am
run through their particle nutrient generator, sprinkled upon
the water, then sucked into a living gastronomical seemingly
buttless abyss, you will quickly comprehend why in amphibian
mythology I, Frogzilla, am revered, feared and greatly sought
after by hormonal driven females of all species and
persuasions.  "Why would a gorgeous Playmate model be
attracted  to an alien super Frog? Simple, go read the verse
"Frog Went A Courting" and you shall discover a cache of
cash! Scientifically for the purpose of gene RNA nucleus
replacement, chromosomal splicing and military research
programs to transmute a harmless Fly munching sticky tongued
amphibious pond dwellers into intelligent mobile weapons;
They can make a municipal water supply reservoir toxic by
allowing Tadpoles raised in " Pure Spring Water" to sneak in
through the five foot square hole in the Dam's rubber tire
recycling screen! They can take down all radio, TV and
satellite Coms by putting tens of thousands of frogs in
aluminum foil stealth suits and letting them do the high dive
from a Para-Plopper Hovercraft! Or they could send in the
Amphibian Insect Assault squad to snatch Mosquito's out of
the air with their sticky tongues, spray them with a growth
steroid, give them an injection of Ex-Lax + an apatite
stimulant + a narcotic pain killer so humans do not notice
they are being eaten alive + an anticoagulant so the blood
never clots and the Mosquitoes keep on sucking until the
human's drop dead or the Mosquito shits himself to death!

Whew! Just can't stay focused today! My mind is drifting
worse than a HQ 'Drifty 50'! I feel like that little mutt in
"The Wizard Of Ooze" when the tornado lifts his scrawny
carcass up up and away into the litter cluttered skies of
Kansas that look like a floating junk yard on tour!  I
apologize humans but I seem to have my brain on 'standby' and
my mouth on 'transmit!  OK, enough of that humility and
admission of possible quirks in my quarks!

Now if by some fickle fractured finger of Fate I should be
carved up by those whirling shiny stainless steel blades,
converted into french fried fish snack flakes and if that
gluttonous garbage disposal on fins shows up for a snack,
find the closest exit and use it!

If that smiling Whale named Shampoo chows down on my protein
enriched particles that the Shark Sitter sprinkled on the
water, old Shampoo is in for a tummy tickling surprise! He
is going to have a bellyache unequaled by anything history
has ever recorded! It will make the one a few millennia ago
that the Whale that swallowed Brother Jonah got seem like a
teeny tiny burpable bubble of gas! There will be no relief
from acid sucking sponges this time! He won't be able to
eliminate that "full feeling" by barfing Jonah up, out, and
onto the shimmering white silica beach front sand.

Normally Shampoo could clear his pipes, eliminate the
annoying obstruction, as well as the entire aquarium viewing
area, by doing his imitation of a New York harbor tugboat
spark knock backfire! The southern Ohio Sea World complex
became world famous and tourists by the Greyhound bus load
visited hoping to witness the belch that left the Budweiser
Bullfrogs speechless! Sort of like Yellowstone National Park
and Old Faithful! Just not as predictable! He gulped down
fifty liters of carbonated water, put one fin over his
blowhole ventilation port and burped loud enough to set off
sea quake sensors on the opposite side of the planet!
Anything that remained behind still breathing was already
dead from concussion shock and didn't yet know it or was soon
to be spoken of in the past tense!

All because of simple marine flora and fauna curiosity or
neuron numbing scientific rapture.  Some of the Great White
Whale Snarks were just plain tired of being shot in their
rump by a drunken Whaler who could not tell their blowhole
from their buttocks!  Hence, many of these mobile marine
mammalian mountain became suicidal. We all need a purpose!
Even floating sea life disposal units with fins who ate two
tons per day when on a diet! They had absolutely no desire to
continue existing as floating oil reservoirs for nineteenth
century Homo Sapien morons who dipped their lantern wicks in
Whale oil instead of buying a gallon of Keroscene from the
local Indians!

Because of their immense size, they had no hard fought for
fixed rung on life's lunch ladder! They did not need one!
They were at the top and who wants to argue with a sixty ton
amphibian mammal who could eat an entire Coral reef for a
snack! Well, that is, if they had any teeth to chew it with!
But I think you catch my drift. You just do not discuss
eating seating order with a creature who could send you to
the Promised Land with one accidental involuntary tail twitch
or frontal dive plane fin muscle spasm!  Damn this cross
current drift! Full space probes ahead and don't shoot photos
until you see the whites of their thighs! So like somebody
blow Taps and let's get this documentary to the editors! I
need to get a grip!  CROAK!

Hey! Speaking of Sea World being more then just another
tourist trap with complimentary credit card leeches, where
one can experience a Whale of a great Shampoo and get up
close and personal with a for real habitat that those Russian
Mussels have overrun. How about living in a one room
apartment with steel bars, instead of a picture window with a
sunshade, and fake synthetic foilage outside, to simulate the
environment of the occupants former homeland.  That is, prior
to their capture and relocation by Green Peas. This is giving
our offspring an opportunity to see exotic creatures living
in their native environment? Yea, right! About as natural as
a family of ten, plus in-laws, outlaws, Aunts, Uncles and
Cousins all packed into a mini-van around one breakdown
simulated Pine picnic table for Thanksgiving dinner! Heck
there isn't even room for a really tiny flat screen TV to
watch a football game on! Imagine all of those people armpit
to abdominal stretch marks trying to see the football game on
one of those Palm Pirate things!

How come none of those Marine Biologist who did the National
Geographic television specials do not have the second most
famous White Whale named after them? What about those posters
sold on Animal Planet by animal rights dudes, with slogans
like; "Don't Flush Your Dead Pet Fish Floating Belly Up,
Broil Them!"?  Maybe these explorers and renown scientists
who insist sightings of a Sasquatch are due to hallucinations
caused by inhaling lard fumes from a metal can of pork and
beans warmed up over a campfire have a few loose electrons
rattling around in their skull causing friction on the neural
pathways that go from one neuron to another.  Friction means
static electricity and that means some neurons are going to
get the bits of data they hold shocked shitless! OOPS!  Sorry
about that, I meant shocked shapeless! These are the same
scientists who are still debating the properties of a Quark
Vs a Quirk and that the ninth planet, Pluto, is not really a
planet afterall. It is just some leftover debris from
creation and is actually an Ice Dwarf with at least three
moons! A group of scientists from around the world made this
decision after taking a vote. Personally I think the guy who
came up with this idea, should be stuffed into a car crusher
and then run through a manure spreader on an asteroid! Our
first attempt at terraforming! CROAK! The letters "PL" in
Pluto, by the way, happen to be the same as the initials of
the man who mathematically predicted the existance of a ninth
planet, Percival Lowell. Besides that, it is the name of the
Cosmos most favorite dog, Walt Disney's loveable Pluto! "When
you wish upon a star ...".



As big as an aircraft carrier type of mammals supposed to
register with the Selective Service and wear a name tag?  The
most famous was a Whale of a tale about a sail smashing tail
named?  That one

something like Captain Ahab The Awful, in a story about this
aquatic destroyer named Moby Dork.

You should get a squint at what one ultrasonic Whale burp can
do to those angles, shapes and thermal indicative colored
lines with this Earth's largest box of Crayola waterproof and
nibble inhibiting crayons! seismic monitoring gear! Ten
Jamaican Rum immersed Coast Guard auxillary sailors with a
box of waterproof Crayola crayons could not create so many
different X/Y coordinates!


Frogzilla


Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO
E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com
Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net
HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net