[Hallicrafters] Chuckle From The Past

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Heads up Jim! You may now reside in South Carolina, the corn fields of Iowa 
may be missing, but you can now turn that grain into White Lightning! That 
stuff cleans carbon deposits out of car engines - or anything else using a 
spark plug, birds - bird nests - cresote out of chimneys, rust deposits and 
calcium build up from water pipes and more! Not that you are distilling this 
illegal liquid, just mentioning some economic possibilities for extra cash 
during the current administrations financial drought!

While I was enjoying the Saturday edition of the HCI 40 meter
net, Jim Zellmer KA0VSA, gave me some advice.  Now he lives
in Iowa and is well acquainted with clean living and survival
by exploiting, but not abusing, the resources of the soil. I
am not sure if Jim farms or just knows about farming from his
neighbors out there in the flat lands.  Where you can spit
with the wind and have it land two counties away.

Jim has antennas cleverly disguised as stalks of wheat,
(horizontal sixty element Moon bounce), a scare crow in the
corn field, (trap vertical with great ears), and grain
storage silo, (borrowed VOA 500 KW omni directional
vertically polarized cubical sod anti jamming array).  Why
disguised in the middle of rural faarm land America where the
closest neighbor is three miles? Because the Department of
Agriculture frowns on farmers irradiating their crops with
any form of radiation not generated by fallout from a nuclear
reactor.  So Jim cleverly hides the antennas to avoid the
stiff fines and penalties of being made to allow a CIA agent
to ride on the tractor with him at harvest time.

Jim pointed out to me, that I should not get upset by these
green hopping former tadpoles that have turned my backyard
into their personal subdivision.  A large pool of water has
collected around the base of my GAP Titan vertical.  the
frogs are happily splashing in the water and tossing half
drowned earthworms into the air for the birds to catch.  My
mini-van looks like it has the measles with white spots of
bird doo all over it! that stuff does not want to wash off
either, what do they eat, cement?

Apparently the presence of the frogs causes my vertical to
radiate more efficiently.  which makes the nightcrawlers
happy, as I am no longer baking them like marshmellows on a
stick in a camp fire.  the birds are delighted, because I am
not sending out spurious radiation that causes their feathers
to fall off leaving them butt naked. No feathers and they
drop like a 727 with no fuel into the pond and drown in a
bubbling foaming frenzy. the frogs are thrilled because the
rf loss to the underground wire radials made their leg
muscles twitch and they kept jumping into my trash compactor.
What a mess that made.   Yuck!

I don't understand antenna theory well enough to know why
these slimy croaking web footed creatures improve my
verticals performance, but Jim insists they do.  Check it out
if you can hear me yelling over the top of their infernal
burping croaking and off key singing!  Deafening!  Worse than
being seated directly in front of the speakers at a political
rally when Stevie Wonder blows his harmonica and tries to
sing one of those high notes he hit before puberty!  Do you
know what is red and green and goes one hundred miles per
hour? A frog in a blender!  Whoever said frog legs tasted
like chicken, had never eaten chicken! Or had their taste
buds removed when an inept surgeon extracted them along with
their tonsils and adnoids when they were barely out of
diapers!  Beam me up quick Scottie!  The frogs they be a
rollin' in!  Now where did I put that really large potato
masher anyhow?  Here froggie, froggie. Come to papa so I can
make you into a patty!


Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO
E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com
Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net
HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net