[Hallicrafters] Join Sunday Halli Solstice 20 Meter Net!

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Don't Pay To Spray Skeeters, Frogs Give Them A Lickin' Free!


                                        By, Duane B. Fischer


     Yo humans! it is I, Frogzilla. Listen up! "CROAK!" If
you want the blind dude to do his Net thing tomorrow, then
you better hack up some coins and overnight bird them to me
like fast!

     It rained so much here this evening that the fish are
wearing life vests! The Mosquitoes are breeding faster than
Rabbits on Viaggra mixed with uppers! The blind dude got
stupid and decided to spray the woods, the Frog Pond and the
yard with some deadly but Green, Gypsy concoction that is
supposed to kill everything smaller than  a Cessna that flys!
He whipped it up in his ex-wives blender, poured it in this
twenty gallon metal milk can and loaded it into his radar
equipped golf cart.

     Now this is not your typical battery powered golf cart.
Nope, not Mr. Gasser! He still thinks he is a drag strip
racer and has to put a modified Chevy v/8 on everything his
butt sits on that moves! When he starts that thing up it
roars and bellows like a bloated Elephant who ate too much
bean soup and is doing New York harbor tug boat impressions
with his Trunk trumpet and butt tuba! Off he goes with knobby
tires flinging sod bombs like a trenching machine gone
berserk after its governor stuck wide open! The sprayer
compressor drive belt is spinning like a hydroelectric
windmill blade caught in the hot wind from a political
convention and is now waiting for take off permission from an
air traffic controller!  The sprayer nozzle is blasting that
putrid purplish colored goo all over the trees, neighbor's
houses, bushes, shrubs, flower beds and half naked sun
bathers. The slime was flying everywhere!

     He bought this herbal pesticide formula from some old
fart pushing a Good Humus ice cream cart who looked like a
California prune that had been in the Sun way too long. He
had more wrinkles than the Circus fat lady did after she went
on a diet, lost 300 pounds but forgot to use the Wrinkle
Shrinkel salve!  What ever was in that stuff, it turned to
what looked like fly paper as soon as it touched something.
The whole area looked like some hyperactive teenagers had
tried to break the Ginnis brothers world record for most
toilet paper used in a tp prank!

     There I sat on my Lily pad recliner sucking down a cold
swamp scum cooler watching possibly the greatest Mosquito
buffet in recorded history being thoughtlessly destroyed by
this wimpy human who was afraid of a pesky little bite. If it
was a human female nibbling on his ear lobe, he would not be
so intent on starving innocent Frogs to death. Now this
really got my stomach "Feed Me!" muscles doing spasmodic
cramps and my webbed toes twitching.

     The neighborhood bully was just taking careful aim at
another butt naked featherless baby bird with her Daisy air
carbine. I quietly hopped up behind her, grabbed the back of
her bikini bathing suit bottom with my teeth, hopped
backward quick and let go. Snap! Ouch! Bang! Tinkle! Snap!
Ouch! "Who the ... Sorry Mrs. Praddle pus, I didn't mean to
shoot down your imported glass wind chimes from Tibet.
Honest!" I grabbed the air rifle and made for the woods in
warp hop mode.

     the blind dude was just rounding the back of the yard
with flames shooting out the exhaust headers singeing weeds
like a rolling flame thrower. Great gobs of Gopher dung! The
Pine woods looked like Times Square on New Years Eve with all
those paper streamers raining down from the heavens. Except
these streamers had Black Fly's, Brown Fly's, Flying Ants,
Wasps, Butterflies, Dragon Fly's, small birds and ten zillion
fat juicy tender Mosquitoes stuck to them!

     I took careful aim and squeezed the trigger. Whoosh!
Boing!  Shot that little spinning radar antenna guidance
dish thing right off! Now that the blind dude had no clue
where the heck he was going, it was time for this amphibian
to hit the pool!

     "Blast you Frogzilla!  When I get my barbecue tongs on
your slimy green hide you are going to be amphibian fodder!
They won't even want to serve you as a side dish at that Long
John Slithers place!" Crash!  Twang!  Whump! Thud! Whoosh!
The forty foot TV tower out back by the storage shed shook a
little as the golf cart crashed into it, but remained
upright. No damage, other than a nasty dent in one leg and
some ugly rust flew off. No big deal, he needed to paint it
anyhow.

     I made it into the house and got the steel door shut and
dead bolted before the blind dude got here. I didn't know the
old boy could move that fast when he was not making a
diarrhea run! Impressive!

     He is out there in the yard beating on things with his
white cane and saying words I don't think are in the Dr. Seus
books. He keeps slapping himself and jumping around like a
retarded Chicken that forgot he can't fly! Bet this will
teach him to not mess with my skeeter buffet! Right now he
has more mosquito proboscis holes in his skin than a dart
board at a practice session!  "What was that  noise?  Sounded
like it came from the basement. Oh no! The storm shelter with
the emergency outside exit!"

     "All right you fourth cousin to a spotted Toad, if I
find out you did a pantry raid while I was bending beaks on
mosquitoes, I am going to skin you and sell your hide for
politicians wallets and Green Peace underwear!"

     Hop.  Hop.  Hop. Slam!  "All right guys, he's back
inside. Everyone grab your forks! Someone grab the Tabasco
shaker, that CO2 powered hot sauce sprayer, the garlic lemon
dip, the coarse ground black pepper grinder and let's eat!
Jump back you belching Budweiser beer Bullfrogs, as Frogzilla
is coming through! CROAK!"

Oh yes. And if any of you Homo Sapiens want to drift into the
HHI 20 meter Net today Sunday June 22, 2008 then listen from
14.292 and 14.293 MHZ usb at 1:15 PM EST/EDT, or 1715 UTC!
The Pre-Net starts at 12:45 PM EST/EDT, 1645 UTC. Same
frequency!  Gotta hop, its shake and bake buffet time!



Original: August 26, 2000. Revised June 22, 2008


Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO
E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com

Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net

HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net