[Hallicrafters] Please Red For Halli Saturday Net Info!

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Take A Dive With Hallicrafters: Hear What Submersibles Fear!


                                        By, Duane B. Fischer


Yo Homoiothermous Bipedal Locomotive Stereoscopic Homo
Sapiens!

You all join us on Saturday April 19th for the HHI 40 meter
Net on 7.280 MHZ lsb. The Pre-Net is at 12:30 PM EST/EDT,
1630 UTC, the Net proper at 1:00 PM EST/EDT, 1700 UTC.

It is I, Frogzilla! The leanest, meanest and most genius
collective clump of atomically bonded biological bits of
amphibian DNA to ever bear the Order of Salientia. Commonly
known among pond dwellers as a Frog! CROAK!

Yuck! You have doubtless heard it said, and often
demonstrated it to society, "Open mouth, insert foot." Right?
Well, believe this or tie a Boy Scout knot to my Rumpus
Buttacus Fin Wagger, the world's most famous Frog is going to
make a confession.  Just among you and I though, no Priests
muttering in Latin, holy tap water from the local water
treatment plant or baptism of fire with a carbon arc brand on
my rump! This quirk, a leftover from my days as a Tadpole. I,
in my infamous amphibian fashion, had to open mouth and
remove webbed foot wet with pond scum!

You think your kid's dirty toe nail biting habit is nearly as
disgusting as Old Rover licking his lips after chowing down
on a piece of his own doo doo?  Or?  Don't you just hate it
when your ex-wife's attorney is knocking on the insect
repellent screen door of your war surplus wilderness survival
tent, while you are camping ten states away, to get the
alimony you failed to pay before embarking on your scenic
Summer excursion into the wetlands and woodlands of America?
Yes, I, Frogzilla, bite my bonded carbon carbon fiber
toenails, hence the reference to webbed foot in mouth. The
only thing worse then a bad habit, is some bottom feeding
buck sucking jerk turning it into a video!  Naturally at the
expense of some poor helpless little amphibian who goes to
meet his Maker with a mouth full of a stainless steel,
chemically treated to be invisible when in water, 100 pound
test, fishhook with a constipated thirty pound Catfish
hissing offensive bottom feeding gutter lipped dialect!  And
you thought some wild West vermin who stole Horses and sold
them to glue factories, torched farm buildings converting
them into charcoal and sold them as barbecue briquets or used
a Colt .45 caliber pistol with eight inch barrel to ventilate
anyone who so much as breathed aloud the words "law", "taxes"
or "work", who got to dance at the end of a cheap hemp rope
was cruel and inhumane?  Try arriving in Animal Heaven on the
razor sharp barbed ends of six Chromium plated fish hooks
courtesy of some sportsman who used his Swiss Army Knife to
disect you and bait those barbed teeth of death with those
chopped chunks of your former body!  "Just tell Saint Peter
at that golden gate, That you truly hated to make him wait,
but its all or none for Frog fraternity, Not just half your
ass for all eternity!" CROAK!

Like WOW dude! I've got to get off these Nature Maid Swamp
Grade amphibian supplements, and enriched Watercress flavored
Fiber jelly belly beans, as they are totally distorting my
usually incredibly perceptive and candidly correct
observations on the reality of life as perceived by Homo
Sapiens!  Right now I don't think I could beat a four year
old pre-school human rug rat at three letter word Scrabble!
Excuse me for a few moments in time while I take a quick dip
in the partly frozen HHI pond, where the Hustler 4BTV
vertical dwells on the tiny island in its center, and then
make a mad hop for the nearby car wash to get a warm blow
dry! If that does not clear my presently polluted stream of
consciousness, then I will chew some of those chocolate
flavored Ex-Lax tablets that are guaranteed to unclog
anything from a sun dial stuck in the time stream of
consciousness to a kitchen drain pipe that the garbage
disposal hurled into a constipated sewer terminating at
a volcano who desperately needs relief before it blows its
lid!

Alright, now listen up! I rescued a WW2 Hallicrafters
R-44/ARR-5 receiver used by the USA military for Coms with
water rescue aircraft and submarines. A friend of mine
totally recapped it, checked all the resistor tolerances,
made sure all the tuning slugs were working properly,
examined all coils under an 8X magnification glass for broken
wires and bad connections, tested all tubes using a mutual
conductance tester, cleaned tube sockets and switches,
removed any corrosion from the plates on variable capacitors
etc.  The radio was so clean that you could eat K Rations off
the chassis with no fear of food poisoning or being eaten by
some exotic bacterium that feeds on the ear wax of the Great
White Snark!  Far worse then the eternal momentary munch of
mortality from a Great White Shark, trust me!  My problem?
No power supply!

If one of you technically gifted Amateur Radio wizards of
wire could, or is you would, be so kind as to lend the
fabulous Frog a hand with five digits, it would be greatly
appreciated. Heck, besides saying a heartfelt "Thank You", I
will even personally autograph a Spring fresh Lily Pad and
send it to you by Snail mail. No, not a tongue in cheek, or
paw in orifice - for those not having the aforementioned
carbon based components, remark, I mean it will come via a
real Snail! Be it a very large one from the priceless and
irreplaceable vanishing Rain Forest that girdle the Earth
near the equator, and is known in scientific circles as the
Sluggus Giganticous Maximous Rumpius Gastropod.

Since everyone is preoccupied with 'time' nowadays, this
special Snail, having a contract through the "Fair Animal And
Insect Employment Practices Act of 2002", administrated by
Fed-X, who handles Priority Mail also, for the postal
service, is given a very special little snack cake prior to
each delivery.  It happens to contain FDA not approved
organic blends of stimulants, strength enhancement, endurance
prolongation and temporary total memory recall.  Basically
what some of those super athletes buy at the local 'vitamin
and supplement' health food establishments.

This data is stored in sophisticated neuron synapse emulation
chips, and after the FCC, CIA, FBI and NSA required seven
second delay, is fed into the Snails surgically implanted
MICRO miniature computer brain by way of the extremely tiny
and super sensitive GPS unit that is held securely in its
anatomical naval by a special secret military glue that is
waterproof -smog pollutant tolerant inert response to -taco
stand gas fumes emitted after human consumption/digestion -
solar and your local utility company blend of radiation and
toxic emissions into ground water and atmosphere and all
female spray scents derived from the stomach juices of
Whales. Now this is 'not' the fastest means of mail delivery,
but it is absolutely dependable! Never gets lost, never is
mishandled or "accidentally" damaged by a drop kick from mail
bin 'A' to canvas bag '#B1231' or crushed by a 350 pound
human paper weight sitting upon it! Now it may take a few
days longer, but it always arrives safe, sound and intact!

Now if some postal worker is smitten with a momentary lack of
ambition and tries to cover up the delivery address, or any
of the eight bar codes, by using his official postal service
absolutely beyond destruction or erasure wide tip felt
marker, a itty bitty LASER using precise pimple to pore GPS
ultra high resolution imagery tracking burns a postal
ordinance violation code number on the forehead directly
between the eyeballs and precisely one millimeter below the
hairline directly north of the tip of his nose. If this
happens, it spells certain doom for the employee. Especially
since this makes said employee about as conspicuous as the
only person wearing a three piece suit at a nude beach! There
is no way to remove the ordinance violation number, that is,
short of using a power sander to remove all three layers of
forehead skin and exposing the skull! Since doing this is
rather obvious to those in high management positions, the
former employee does not need a crystal ball to get a glimpse
into the future and see himself standing in an unemployment
line!


Frogzilla


Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO
E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com
Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net
HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net