[Hallicrafters] Frogzilla's Back, Don't Croak, Join The HHI Net!

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Join us on Sunday November 4th for the HHI 20 meter Net. All vintage rigs, 
and operators, are welcome, regardless of brand or flavor!

The Pre-Net is at 12:45 PM EST, (1745 UTC) and the Net proper commences at 
1:15 PM EST, (1815 UTC)

The frequency is still 14.293 MHZ usb +/- for key clicks, mike splatter and 
occasional pages from the files of Frogzilla as appear below.

Light up your life, make them glow and join us tomorrow for some vintage 
vacuum tube fun, facts and fellowship.

 Brain Farts: Physiological Neural Bubbles Or Misguided Gas?


                                        By, Duane B. Fischer


     This is 'not' my term! It was not I who coined it or
publically posted it to an Internet discussion list. I heard
it mentioned repeatedly during last weekends CQ DX event.
Which being a somewhat disgusting term to describe a
temporary memory lapse, or an intended to be amusing excuse
for having performed some incredibly stupid act, it did
arouse my innate curiosity. Hence, it did cause me to wonder
exactly what such a condition is caused by and precisely how
it functions.

     I originally thought that it was just a somewhat tacky
descriptive term used by those who forgot something almost
impossible to forget, such as their last name, sex or
favorite Cartoon Network program. However, I did some
extensive research and came upon a study done by the Johns
Hopkins University that lends solid empirical medical
credibility to this seemingly impossible biological event.

     A brain fart occurs when opppositely charged polarizing
neurons become so engrossed in observing what the other one
is doing that they forget what they are supposed to be doing!
The result is an internal sequential cellular disruption that
delays for one ten thousandth of a millisecond the
biochemical breakdown of the sugar glucose in the bloodstream
for conversion into energy.  Be it your brain, your rectum or
your SUV gas tank, you have a problem when there is no gas to
pass!

This ever so tiny microcosmic disruption in the DNA
(DioxyRibonuclecic acid) coded chain of metabolic synthesis
essential to fuel the neural synapse associated with the
processing of sensory input, chronological and event
progression, conversion into electrochemical memory imprints,
memory retention and data retrieval causes an extremely
minute quantity of gas associated with the neural synapse to
be generated. The brain has no natural exhaust pipe for this
gas to be eliminated through, such as the one commonly found
in a more southerly location on the human anatomy. Said
ventillation of gas generated by digestive juices causing the
burger you ate for lunch to rapidly decay, ferment and be
transformed from a salivaery delight into a sewage surprise!
This ventillation of gas commonly known as 'breaking wind',
'a puffer', 'vapors', 'tooting' or the more crude, but
favorite term, a 'fart'!

Hence, the gas is almost instantly superheated by the tissue
surrounding the affected neurons.  This minor neural
biological emergency procedure is intended to force the gas
between extremely tiny gaps between body cells, or any other
hole or crack or back alley, and eventually out into the
inner ear canal.

Here the superheated gas waits for what is called the "exit
stimuli". Typically a static buildup from any number of
possible naturally occurring external sources. Although
sticking the end of your tongue into the positive side of the
alternating current wall outlet plug while standing barefoot
in tap water will work in the absence of static electricity,
it is not recommended since it generally kills the subject!

When the gas in the ear canal receives an electrical spark it
instantly explodes with such force as to blow any ear wax
present out of the affected ear with a velocity comparable to
that of a cork released from a bottle of improperly opened
vintage champagne! Once their ears stop ringing like Big Ben
is inside their skull, they quickly stop saying "Huh?" after
anything anyone says to them!

     People who commonly experience brain farts are quite
easy to recognize. They have no ear hairs whatsoever or
seriously singed ones that smell like rotten eggs. Some have
a plastic prosthesis to replace their real ear that was
blown into low Earth orbit by a spark of realization
generally followed by a shout of "Eureka!". Their ear lobes
also twitch visibly about ten to fifteen seconds prior to the
onset of a brain fart!  Another warning sign is the, 'lights
are on, but nobody is home' look in their eyes, commonly
associated with the "VACANCY" sign blinking in front of Motel
6! Some handheld GPS units now offer an optional brain fart
sensor alarm. When the LED flashes red a little door pops
open revealing a pair of Oxygen purification nose plugs.

Despite having to frequently slap them up alongside the head
with a three day old dead Rat to get their attention, their
hearing is just fine. However, if they say "Huh?" more than
twice within five seconds, it is a sure sign that synaptic
skip is in progress.  Unless yu are the one person in ten
million who does not hurl when they get a good whiff of
Hydrogen Sulfide, shout " Brain Fart!" and run like "The
River Wild"!


Duane Fischer, W8DBF/WPE8CXO
dfischer at usol.com

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