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sure to join us on Sunday September 14th for the HCI 20 meter Net. Hop on up to
the D-104, warm up those artifacts that still go glow in the dark and try not to
croak from the excitement. Hear you then!	
	
Yo humans! It's me, Frogzilla. Listen up! "CROAK!" If you
want the blind dude to do his Net thing tomorrow, then you
better hack up some coins and overnight bird them to me like
fast!

     It rained so much here this evening that the fish are
wearing life vests! The Mosquitoes are breeding faster than
Rabbits on Viaggra mixed with uppers! The blind dude got
stupid and decided to spray the woods, the Frog Pond and the
yard with some Gypsy concoction that is supposed to kill
everything smaller than  a Cessna that flys! He whipped it up
in his ex-wives blender, poured it in this twenty gallon
metal milk can and loaded it into his radar equipped golf
cart.

     Now this is not your typical battery powered golf cart.
Nope, not Mr. Gasser! He still thinks he is a drag strip
racer and has to put a modified Chevy v/8 on everything his
butt sits on that moves! He starts that thing up and it roars
like a bloated Elephant who ate too much bean soup breaking
wind. Off he goes with knobby tires flinging sod like a
trenching machine with a stuck governor gone berserk! The
sprayer compressor drive belt is spinning like a wind mill
blade caught in the hot wind from a political convention! The
sprayer nozzle is blasting that putrid purplish colored goo
all over the trees, neighbor's houses, bushes, shrubs, flower
beds and half naked sun bathers. The slime was flying
everywhere!

     He bought this herbal pesticide formula from some old
fart pushing a Good Humor ice cream cart who looked like a
prune that had been in the Sun too long. He had more wrinkles
than the Circus fat lady did after she went on a diet and
lost 300 pounds! What ever was in that stuff, it turned to
what looked like fly paper as soon as it touched something.
The whole area looked like some hyperactive teenagers had
tried to break the Ginnis brothers world record for most
toilet paper used in a tp prank!

     There I sat on my Lily pad recliner sucking down a cold
swamp scum cooler watching possibly the greatest Mosquito
buffet in recorded history being thoughtlessly destroyed by
this wimpy human who was afraid of a pesky little bite. If it
was a female nibbling on his ear lobe, he would not be so
intent on starving innocent Frogs to death. Now this really
got my webbed toes twitching.

     The neighborhood bully was just taking careful aim at
another butt naked featherless baby bird with her Daisy air
carbine. I quietly hopped up behind her, grabbed the back of
her bikini bathing suit bottom with my teeth, hopped
backward quick and let go. Snap! Ouch! Bang! Tinkle! Snap!
Ouch! "Who the ....Sorry Mrs. Praddle pus, I didn't mean to
shoot down your imported glass wind chimes from Tibet.
Honest!" I grabbed the air rifle and made for the woods in
warp hop mode.

     the blind dude was just rounding the back of the yard
with flames shooting out the exhaust headers singeing weeds
like a rolling flame thrower. Great gobs of Gopher dung! The
Pine woods looked like Times Square on New Years Eve with all
those paper streamers raining down from the heavens. Except
these streamers had Black Fly's, Brown Fly's, Flying Ants,
Wasps, Butterflies, Dragon Fly's, small birds and ten zillion
fat juicy tender Mosquitoes stuck to them!

     I took careful aim and squeezed the trigger. Whoosh!
Boing!  Shot that little radar antenna thing right off!
"Blast you Frogzilla!  When I get my barbecue tongs on your
slimy green hide you are going to be amphibian fodder!"
Crash!  Twang! The forty foot TV
tower out back by the storage shed shook a little as the golf
cart crashed into
it, but remained upright. No damage, other than a nasty dent
in one leg and some
ugly rust flew off. No big deal, he needed to paint it
anyhow.

     I made it into the house and got the steel door shut and
dead bolted before the blind dude got here. I didn't know the
old boy could move that fast when he was not making a
diarrhea run! Impressive!

     He is out there in the yard beating on things with his
white cane and saying words I don't think are in Dr. Seus
books. He keeps slapping himself and jumping around like a
retarded Chicken that forgot how to fly! Bet this will teach
him to not mess with my skeeter buffet! Right now he has more
holes in his skin than a dart board at a practice session!
"What was that  sound?  Sounded like it came from the
basement. Oh no! The storm shelter with the emergency outside
exit!

     "All right you fourth cousin to a spotted Toad, if I
have missed the HCI 20 meter pre-Net at 12:45 PM EDT, (1645
UTC) and the Net proper at 1:15 PM EDT, (1715 UTC) on 14.293
Mhz usb, I am going to skin you and sell your hide
for politicians wallets and Green Peace underwear!" Hop. Hop.
Hop. Slam! Hop, Hop. "All right guys, the blind wonder is
back inside, let's eat!"


Original: August 26, 2000