[Fists] "Who's On The Air?"

[Stan Reas]

Thought you would enjoy this:


>Had Abbott and Costello been hams and they did the 'Who's on First' bit 
>where Abbott was
>a ham and Costello was someone who he was trying to explain it to. 
>Costello knew a little bit..
>
>They'd had a FIELD DAY (literally and figuratively) with all the fun with 
>our acronyms,
>abbreviations, slang, jargon and shorthand as well as the labels attached 
>to various things..
>
>It boggles the mind to think of the variations that would appear from the 
>very famous and STILL TOTALLY HILARIOUS 'Who's On First?' routine.
>
>With greatest respect and admiration to Messr's Abbott and Costello I 
>present to you..
>===================
>"Who's On The Air?"
>(C) K3FT 2003
>
>(Scene opens. Curtain lifts to show Abbott and Costello talking to one 
>another)
>
>C-I heard you were on the air last night.
>
>A- Yep, I was. I was on A-1......
>
>C - A-1?
>
>A-Yeah. C-W on the air.
>
>C - Hang on. First you said a One. Now you are telling me you see W on the 
>air? Better get your eyes checked.  You can't see W on the air! It's 
>RADIO, not TV!
>
>A- TV? I'm not talking about TV! I'm talking about A-1.... C-W on the 
>air!  It's C-W.
>
>C- See W?  Who is W? ... (pause as Abbot starts to answer).. HANG ON!! UH 
>UH! I'm NOT going back to baseball! I already KNOW who's on first, so 
>don't start THAT again! OK. You see W on the radio which has no pictures 
>and it's a one too!?
>
>A- Baseball? Who said anything about baseball? I"m talking radio here! 
>Now,  There is NO A-1-2.  That doesn't exist. There is A-2, but no A-1-2!
>
>C - Wait a minute! NOW there is a two AND a ONE? Next thing you know 
>you'll tell me that makes a three!?
>
>A- There's A-1 and A-2 and an A-3!
>
>C - Now your talking like Lawrence Welk! Stick to the subject. Is W on the 
>air or not
>and how can you see him?
>
>A- Lawrence Welk? That's music.  You know we can't transmit music! Look, 
>A-1 is
>C-W. A-2 is a different C-W. A-3 is talking on phone!
>
>C- (splutters in exasperation) A three is on  the phone? Wait a minute! 
>Look, this is getting all jumbled up. Just give me the facts and I'll be fine.
>
>A- OH! You want the fax! THAT'S A-4!
>
>C- (sotto voce-  NOW he's talking about a four!)
>The facts are a four?  Ok. Let me see if I have this right. A one is see 
>W. There's no a music, but there IS a one and a two and a three. Now you 
>tell me that if I want the facts I have to have a four!
>
>A- That's right! NOW YOU'RE GETTING IT!
>
>C- (waves hands in desperation, voice rising)
>NOW I'm getting it? All I'm getting is a headache! If I want see W I have 
>to have a one!  If I want phone I have to have a three. If I want facts I 
>have to have a four! This is crazy enough to be on TV!!!
>
>A- (Smiles and nods his head)  AHH! TV! that's A-5!!
>
>C- (begins to mumble and splutter and gets a look of gas pains on his face 
>as curtain drops)
>===================================