[CW] Engineers Think Too Much About Christmas

[Justin Grenier]

What Happens When Engineers Think Too Much About Christmas


1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species =
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are =
insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, =
which only Santa has seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa =
doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, and Jewish children, =
that reduces the work load to 15% of the total - 378 million or so. At =
an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million =
homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to time zones and =
the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works =
out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian =
household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second  to =
park,hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, =
distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get back =
up the chimney, get back in the sleigh, and move on  to the next house. =
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly =
(which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we =
will accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total =
trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting bathroom stops. This means =
that Santa's sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the =
speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the =
Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the average reindeer runs =
at 15 MPH.

4.  The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that =
each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (2 pounds), =
the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons not counting Santa, who is =
inexorably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can =
pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see =
point one) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we can not do the job =
with 8 or even 9, we need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, =
not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again for comparison this =
is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.

5. 53,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air =
resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a =
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer =
will absorb 14.2 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In =
short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the =
next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. =
The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second. =
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 =
times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the =
back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

6.Conclusion: There was a Santa, but he's dead now.



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