[Boatanchors] Join Halli Saturday Net

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Please join us on Saturday November 6th for the Hallicrafters
40 meter Net. The Pre-Net commences at 12:45 PM EDT, or 1645
UTC. The Net proper starts at 1:00 PM EDT, or 1700 UTC. The
frequency is still 7.280 MHZ LSB.

Now if you can not hear my station, listen for the backup NCS
N8AZC, Mike, in Ohio. If you hear either of us, shout
"Contact!"

Remember! Next Saturday the Net still starts at 1:00 PM EST!
However, it will be 1800 UTC!


             The Bay Of E, A Flea Market To Flee!


                                  By Duane B. Fischer, W8DBF


Spring has sprung, the grass has riz,
This solid state rig, it has no fizz.
The dial is small, its hard to see,
It fogs my bifocals, digitally.

I want a rig that has some class,
That glows with purple from excess gas.
A rig that's tough, one built to last,
With slide rule dials, like in the past.
With manly knobs, all round and big,
Slipping dial cord squealing like a Pig.
Some tubes that light the room with glow,
And heat that's fit for baking dough!
The voices crisp from speakers real,
A sense of closeness one can feel.

To Bay of E I clicked and went,
With hopes of Halli's heaven sent.
The ads were many, the truth unknown,
Some prices made my wallet groan!
I found a SX twenty-eight,
The text said 'mint'. Wow! That was great!
A blurry .jpg made me hesitate.
The dial was fuzzy, the letters faint,
Was that a wart or zit in paint?
Some knobs had chips and others cracks,
The case was spotted from rust attacks.
The ad said rare, scarce quantity,
A treasure of museum quality.

It came with speaker, PM twenty-three,
He said it worked with certainty.
The sound was awesome, crisp and clean,
A mouse had chewed in spots unseen.
A dropping here, a tooth mark there,
The voice coil wrapped in rodent hair!

It came with manual, the cover torn,
With pages yellow and print well worn.
No copy here, this one was real,
It was well nibbled, some insects meal!

He said it worked, all bands were strong,
No humming switches or static song.
It looked so lonely, in need of home,
As teenage passions filled my dome.

I checked the bid, then changed my shorts,
It shipped by boat from foreign ports.
The time was waning, this soon would close,
Something smelled fishy, I pinched my nose.
I placed my bid and watched the screen,
That jerk in Dallas out bid my green!
The time was flying, I hurried fast,
I bid real high, and then I gasped.
The creep in Dallas could kiss my rump,
I clicked the mouse as price I bumped.
The seconds flew as war i waged,
A bidding frenzy from beasts uncaged.

The time was gone, the auction closed,
I smelled real nasty with sweat soaked clothes!
I held my breath and watched the screen,
I'd compost Dallas just to be mean!
Hurray! The winning bid belonged to me,
I took a breath than ran to pea!

He wanted cash, no checks or plastic,
I sent new bills by Air Fantastic.
The days went by, and then the weeks,
E-mail silence, the omen that reeks.
The SX twenty-eight, the dream I was after,
I would stop at nothing for this Hallicrafters.
I called the post office, the girl put me on hold,
They could not trace the package, or so I was told.
Because it was fragile, they wouldn't insure it,
She said some Valium with whiskey would cure it!

I slammed down the phone, I had to take action,
The Collins Collectors, perhaps Jesse Jackson?
Then up the driveway in a blue cloud of smoke,
Roared a brown truck, was this a bad joke?
The driver unloaded two well traveled boxes,
That looked like a dog who fought with two Foxes!
He looked for the bar codes then scanned them in quickly,
Hurled in my yard and said he felt sickly!

The boxes were here and now they would open,
Granting my wish like some magic potion.
The tape I removed, bubble wrap discarded,
Foam peanuts revealed the secret they guarded.
I stood there in shock, could this be the truth?
Was this an illusion, had someone goofed?
It started with 'H', but not Hallicrafters,
This was a Heathkit, a total disaster!
A receiver, I think, front panel was missing,
And that speaker cabinet was suddenly hissing!
 A Python uncoiled and stretched in the Sun,
I ran for the house and loaded a gun!

I blasted away, the shotgun was smokin',
The snake was in pieces, the chassis was broken.
I vowed then and there, and swore to myself,
Electronic auctions came from way south!
Avoid them I would, no matter how tempting,
For boat anchor lust means sanity pre-empting.


Original: Saturday April 13, 2002


News Flash!

ABC has just learned that blind Amateur Radio operator W8DBF,
of Flint, Michigan, was hospitalized for observation this
afternoon after being injured while hanging an antenna.
According to eye witnesses, Fischer, the only totally blind
professional Magician/Illusionist in the world, was using a
special wire called Copper Weld. He had secured it to a large
forty foot Scotch Pine in his back yard with screw eyes he
had bolted through the trunk of the tree. Fischer had somehow
convinced the single woman next door to let him use her 1999
Jeep Cherokee to stretch the wire taught between the tree and
his sixty foot steel radio tower.

"I don't know what came over me.", Amanda Huxler 34 said.
"I've known him ever since he had to put a pro wrestling hold
on my mother to restrain her from setting my diaper on fire
with a butane lighter. She went totally ballistic after I
tried to quick dry our pet cat in the microwave.  I was only
three and I had no idea that the cat would explode like it
did!  Duane is apt to try most anything and I did not want to
discourage him from putting up an antenna for his radio.
I knew he used to drag race before losing his sight and then
built custom cars afterwards, so I wasn't worried about him
hurting my Cherokee. I thought he was just going to use it to
winch the wire. I had no idea he was going to drive it!  Is
he going to get a ticket?"

Fishcer apparently misjudged the distance between the Jeep
Cherokee and the neighbor's swimming pool. "I knew I was in
trouble when I heard the split rail fence crunch.", Fischer
said with a chuckle. "I have never heard people run so fast
or scream so loud! My reaction time is down from what it
used to be in my racing days and by the time I got my foot on
the brake pedal, the Cherokee was already taking on water!"

Neighbors pulled fischer from the Jeep as it disappeared
below the surface of the Olympic size pool. One observer
reported Fischer muttering something about wishing he had
used that multiple strand Copper wire instead of twelve gauge
solid Copper Weld.  He refused to get into the paramedics
vehicle until somebody grabbed his 2 meter Handi Talki. As
the vehicle started to pull away, one TV reporter asked
Fischer if he would ever do such a thing again just to put up
a Ham radio antenna? "W8DBF shouted back, "roger that! And
while I am at the emergency room get somebody to cut up that
horizontal Pine tree and put my 40 meter diple back up! I
can't transmit on it the way it is, as the standing wave is
higher than a Giraffe on stilts! And tell Amanda I'm sorry
about her Cherokee and I'll buy her a double cheeseburger and
a wine cooler as soon as I get back home!"
Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO


E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com
Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net
HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net